Stokes stoked — Two down one more to go

One of Australia’s greatest comedians/satirists was New Zealand born John Clarke.

Clarke made his film debut as an extra in 1972’s The Adventures of Barry McKenzie.

He went on to create the character Fred Dagg, and starred in The Games and Crackerjack.

Sadly, Clarke passed away in 2017.

In 2008, Clarke was inducted into the Logie Hall of Fame, with his Logie being presented by long time collaborator, Bryan Dawe.

Clarke and Dawe were famous for their interviews.

Dawe would interview Clarke, who would pretend to be some celebrity or politician.

Unlike other comedy programs, Clarke made no attempt to look or sound like the person he was impersonating.

With his love of the ridiculous and a dry sense of humour, I’d like to think that if John Clarke was still with us today, he would get together with his great mate Brian Dawe to do a mock interview with England cricket captain, Ben Stokes.

With no disrespect to the great man, the interview may have gone something like this . . .

Dawe: Ben Stokes, thanks for joining us

Stokes: My pleasure Brian.

Dawe: So, how do you think your first Ashes series as captain is going.

Stokes: Well, so far, everything is going to plan. If we win the next test, we will win back the Ashes.

Dawe: But aren’t you down 2-nil after the first two tests.

Stokes: Yes, but we feel like we won the first two tests, so that means we only need to win one more test.

Dawe: What do you mean you feel like you won?

Stokes: Well, at our team meetings after each test, when we discuss our performance, we all agreed that it felt like we won. A couple of us thought that it felt like we drew the one, but Ollie Robinson convinced us it felt like we won.

Dawe: Did anyone feel like you lost that test?

Stokes: Well, Moeen Ali did.

Dawe: And how did you respond to that?

Stokes: We dropped him.

Dawe: You played one of the great captains’ knocks in the second test.

Stokes: Thanks

Dawe: Were you disappointed that England eventually fell 45 runs short of the Australian total?

Stokes: But we didn’t fall short. You see, Jonny would have scored a 50 had he not been illegally given out, so did win. We clapped him in the dressing room and he raised his bat.

Dawe: On the point of Bairstow’s dismissal, you were at the non striker’s end. What did make of the whole thing?

Stokes: Well, clearly, it was not out, so we have written to the MCC to have them amend the score book.

Dawe: So you believe the dismissal was against the spirit of cricket?

Stokes: Absolutely.

Dawe: Which of the so-called spirit of cricket laws did they break?

Stokes: Well, clearly, the ball was dead.

Dawe: But the umpire hadn’t called over.

Stokes: Yeah, Jonny FELT that the ball was dead.

Dawe: I’m not convinced that the Aussies did breach the spirit of the game.

Stokes: Look it’s not just one thing, it’s a whole lot of things put together. It’s like that great English movie, The Castle. It’s just the vibe.

Dawe: But The Castle was an Australian movie.

Stokes: Maybe, but it feels more like an English movie to us.

Dawe: How do you feel about the constant media attention over the Bairstow dismissal?

Stokes: It’s been absolutely fantastic.

Dawe: In what way?

Stokes: Well, since the end of the second test, all the media has been talking about is Carey’s despicable stumping, and no one has been talking about our terrible tactics. I mean, I declared on day one of the first test when Rooty was on 118 not out and was seeing the ball like a beachball. I mean, who in their right mind declares eight wickets down on day one when one of the best batsmen in the world is smashing them all around the ground. But thanks to Carey, no one is talking about that. I’d buy Alex a beer, but Baz says we’re not allowed to drink with the Aussies.

Dawe: Speaking of Brendon McCullum, didn’t he twice run out players in similar circumstances?

Stokes: That was completely different.

Dawe: How so?

Stokes: It wasn’t against England.

Dawe: But the first one was when he ran out Paul Collingwood, the English captain.

Stokes: Yeah but Baz said it felt like he was playing against Australia, not England.

Dawe: Ben Stokes, thank you for your time tonight, and good luck in the third test.

Stokes: We feel like we already have it won.