Something funny about this cruise

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, with the Big Bash, One Day Series and the Australian Open — but I missed most of it because I was on a cruise last week.
I could say a few words about the Aussies losing the One Day Series, or how badly the Sydney teams are going in the Big Bash, but I won’t.
Instead I’m going to share my cruise experience.
I was a three-night Comedy cruise with four mates. It was supposed to sail out of Sydney, cruise around the South Pacific for 3 nights, while my friends and I sat around the pool, sipping on cocktails while regaling each other with stories about our prowess at the various sports we have participated in over the years.
The first sign that all was not going to go to plan was a text from P&O on the morning we were due to depart, advising the ship would be late arriving into Sydney due to heavy swells, so our boarding would be delayed.
The second sign that our three nights in paradise would not be as idyllic as planned was when boat didn’t actually sail out of Sydney Harbour at 4.30pm as planned. We did sit around the spa drinking, but instead of having the high seas as a backdrop we had the old White Bay power station.
PACEXP 07Sydney is rated by many to be the prettiest harbour in the world, but for some reason they chose White Bay for the cruise terminal.
If there’s an uglier part of Sydney Harbour, I’ve yet to see it.
I headed off to bed hopeful that things would improve the next day.
Unfortunately, the captain decided we had to leave our safe harbour and head out into a seven-metre swell.
The third sign that I was in trouble was when I realised at about 8 o’clock in the morning that the tablets that I had taken to prevent sea sickness were not working. I spent a bit of time “driving the porcelain bus” and most of the day in bed.
Things improved a bit when the captain decided to sail into Jervis Bay for the night, to ride out the rough seas.
With my sea legs back, I ventured out on the third morning.
That’s when the forth sign that things were less than perfect happened.
As I walked the decks enjoying the sights of Jervis Bay, the captain made the strangest announcement I have ever heard.
He started by saying that some passengers had complained because the main pool was covered by a net, so they were unable to swim.
It was full of water, and the ship was anchored in calm waters, and some passengers were becoming annoyed.
The captain then informed us that someone had deposited something in the pool that they shouldn’t have.
Because we were moored in a bay, they were unable to “dump” the contents of the pool and refill it.
Sorry for the terrible pun, but as it turned out, it wasn’t a “Richard the third” that caused the problem — but a female hygiene product.
The female comedian that night likened said product to a USB port as it contains so much of their personal information.
Thus ended my most memorable cruise.
Before I sign off, can I just give a big shout out to the mighty Razorbacks who are playing their semi on February 3, looking to go back to back in the Bush Cricket Comp.
In the last round, the boys had their own Pink Stumps day, raising over $1400 for the Jane McGrath Foundation.
Well done boys, and good luck next week.
And remember, there’s no such thing as too much sport.
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